Emotional reflections under Auntie Luna
I have listened to the original Outer Wilds soundtrack easily dozens of times. I started to say hundreds; I don't know that it's been hundreds, probably not, but easily dozens upon dozens upon dozens in the last, what, six months or so. And only tonight, for some reason, that song, The Museum, has me so emotional. I'm trying to name the feeling, and what I know so far is that it's the echo of the feeling that I was experiencing standing outside with Auntie Luna just a little bit ago. She was full at 8.22 this evening, so about an hour ago. And I was able to stand outside with her for a little bit while I took Lexi potty, and just appreciating everything, how cool the air is, especially knowing that the heat is coming.
Appreciating how beautiful Auntie Luna is, and understanding for the first time tonight, really, that she is reflecting the sun's light. I mean, of course, I understood that before, I understood it intellectually, but tonight, something shifted, and she's just so bright, just so bright, hanging so low in the sky, and so beautiful. And I wondered how bright the sun must be, that Auntie Luna can reflect it this way, this brightly at night. And then I also started thinking about it from an astrological perspective, the moon reflecting the light of the sun, and the sun being both who and what we are, but also who and what we are capable of becoming, or who we have the potential of becoming.
And then just walking around the yard, waiting for Lexi, and looking up at the stars, and noticing different constellations, and just feeling so grateful that I could be out there, and like, this perfect storm of perfection with everything, and how much I enjoyed it, and how alive I felt, and how small I felt. And then coming in, and that song catching me in the way that it did. I think one of the feelings I was trying to name is wonder. Another might be awe? I'm not sure if that's quite right. Wonder, for sure. Gratitude, for sure. I just feel so fortunate to be here, and to be able to experience what I'm experiencing, to be able to experience what I'm experiencing, even though some of it sucks. But along with that comes moments like tonight.